I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
