There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
