I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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