she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
