no. you can't hotbox the world.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
