did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The beer is more important than you right now.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
