(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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