Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
This gyro tastes like lonliness
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize