At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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