why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
