Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize