Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
