i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
BRING THE BAGELS
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
