if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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