Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
