when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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