Plan B is the new Plan A
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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