i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
