This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I smell like Dick and happiness
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
