You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Never joke about your clitoris.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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