New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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