the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
