i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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