Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
