Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
