Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize