All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
