So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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