1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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