you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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