He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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