It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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