The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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