were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
