UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Bring me that man meat
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