Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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