Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
