I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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