The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
