do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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