well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
