I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Be still, my beating vagina.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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