dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
We smell like vodka and hangover
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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