No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I will pee on everything he values.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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