why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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