my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
