last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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