So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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