i'm signing you up for texting rehab
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
