In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize