I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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