yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
