i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
