fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
