that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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