My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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