I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
