everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃ðŸ»ðŸŽ‰
We are so blessed
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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