she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
