I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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