I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize