Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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