I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
