i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
