I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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