I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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