I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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