life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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