break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You are the jesus of drinking
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
