i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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